Sunday, July 11, 2010

Life is crazy, thank God for good company along the journey.

I know, I've neglected this blog for far too long.  Life just gets so busy, you know?  This summer in particular has been extremely hectic.  I suppose it will come as no surprise I suffered an exacerbation in early June- I knew I was pushing my body too hard.  It's a fine line, really.  You want to push yourself to do all you can despite the MS, yet if you edge even the tiniest bit past that invisible line in the sand where you'd done too much, the disease wakes up and smack you around.  Let me tell you, it smacked me up good this last time.  I spent my 37th birthday hooked up to IV Steroids.  Urgh.  Talk about the one thing I didn't want for a gift.  

I'd have to guess this was my worst exacerbation yet, in fact almost 4 weeks later I'm still struggling to regain my footing.  The hardest part was the symptom I've dreaded most since being diagnosed made it's return- double vision.  That alone was enough to send me running to the Neurologist begging for IV Steroids.  It took about 10 days for my vision to finally return to normal (normal for me, anyway).  I think the fact it's been so dang hot is making it harder for me to stabilize, too.  When it's 90+ degrees outside, I can't even make it from the back door to my car without feeling like I'm going to collapse in the driveway.  

I'm still struggling with vertigo since the last relapse, which is very hard.  I've actually gotten dizzy enough that it's made me vomit more than once in recent weeks.  But... in every dark cloud there is a silver lining.  For me, that silver lining is some of the amazing people I've met in recent weeks who share my struggle living with MS.  I'm realizing more and more how much I need people in my life who truly understand me.  People to whom I can say "hey I need to go lay down" and they already understand the fatigue I'm feeling without an explanation.  People who have had to or are dealing with the dreaded 'shot nights'.  People who know what it's like to have random parts of your body stop working or start hurting.  People who can even laugh right along with me at some of the crazy MS induced mistakes I make during daily life.  I think that's why people seek out others similar to themselves in life- not because their existing family and friends don't love them or don't try to understand- but because some things you can only truly understand if you've walked a day in the other's shoes.  My MS friends share the same worn out, beaten up pair of shoes I walk in daily.

I also believe, for me anyway, God has brought these people into my life because He knew I needed them.  He knew I was on the verge of slipping into isolation and depression because of the toll MS has taken on my mind and body.  He knew finding others like myself, both to lean on as well as offer my own strength to, would give me that 'boost' I needed to hang on and keep going.  Hence the title of this post:  Life is crazy, thank God for good company along the journey.  I'm fortunate to be amongst the best company I could possibly be in.

One special note to a person I'll simply call C.N.:  Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for being there for me.  I wish so badly neither of us had to live with this crap disease, but knowing I have you to turn to whether it be for support, advice, or even just to laugh with at the absurdity of it all makes it seem a lot more tolerable.  I will always be grateful you're in my life to walk this crazy journey with me.

Until next time...

Be well all :)

1 comment:

  1. Melissa,

    I'm glad you found a circle of support, it is so important. I learned that after my divorce so I totally get that even though I love you, I don't totally understand because I don't have MS. I can only empathize with you.

    Once again I'm amazed by your strength and your character. I'm so proud to have you as my daughter.

    I love you always,