Saturday, June 27, 2009

Update on Things

I went to my regular neurologist appointment on Thursday. I guess it went pretty well, but she did note a definite decline in fuction and strength in my left arm and hand. Of course, I already knew that, but it's always harder to actually hear it for some reason. My thumb, webbing, and index finger of my left hand are pretty much always tingly and semi-numb now. I can't carry anything of weight in that hand or I am sure to drop it. It's very disheartening, because I am progressing. I know it, and my doctor knows it. I'm pretty sure everyone around me knows it.

To make matters worse, I also fear I'm flaring the last couple days. The left side of my face is numb/tingly/burning quite often, and the fatigue is simply horrible. The doctor actually prescribed me Ritalin, of all things. She said it should help with the fatigue as well as the focus issues. Which, is another thing that's been getting worse the last couple of days. My eyes have also been acting up lately, and anyone who knows me getting double vision again is a huge fear of mine. I just overall feel like crap, and it scares me because I am so afraid of another full blown relapse.

It's very hard, and look back to a year ago, and see how much I've deteriorated. I'm having a horrific time dealing with heat this summer too. It's not even really hot yet, and I feel like I'm going to fall out from just 5 minutes outside. I just hate it, because I used to love the beach and being outside during the summer with the kids. Now, I feel like Multiple Sclerosis has stolen that from me along with all my malfunctioning body parts. Yes, I've hit a pity party spot in my journey. I haven't had one in awhile, and considering how awful I feel lately, I think I'm entitled. I know as always, I will overcome this flare and I will snap back out of the funk I'm currently in. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier being in it.

I'll update again soon.

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