Thursday, February 19, 2009

Neuro appt scheduled for tomorrow- I'm terrified I'm relapsing

I am freaking out a bit right now. I have felt myself 'slipping' for the past week or so. Two days ago, my right hand starting getting shaky and weak whenever I tried to hold anything with any weight. Yesterday, it was so trembly Wayne could even see it when I was trying to drink my coffee. This wouldn't be that big a deal- except until now, my weakness/tingly symptoms have been strictly on my left side. My right hand/arm/leg have NEVER been affected. Now? My right arm and hand clearly is, and it's scaring the crap out of me.

I am so tired it's unreal, and having a lot more random pains. I'm not sure if the Baclofen needs to be increased, or a I need something stronger, but last night I was almost in tears from pain. My brain is getting 'foggy' again too. Like just now? There was a long pause before I typed that sentence. I was staring at the screen going "ok, what the hell was I typing?". The other night, I got up to go to the bathroom, and actually turned the opposite way down the hallway and opened the door to Joshua's room. I just stood there a moment, watching my sleeping son, and then went "Why the hell am I standing here??????" and closed the door. As I walked back down the hall, laughing at my own idiocy, I remember "oohh yeah I have to pee!!" and went to the right room this time. Wayne and I did have a good laugh over it- I mean me just standing there watching Josh snore was kinda funny. But... that night I thought it was an isolated memory fart. Now? It's happening alot. I go to get my pills, and by the time I'm in the bedroom, I've totally forgotten why I went in at all. I go to get food, stand there with the fridge door open, totally clueless as to why I'm standing there at all. This morning- I couldn't even remember what thigh I'd given myself my shot yesterday. It was a scary moment- I have NEVER forgotten my last injection site before. Thankfully, Wayne did remember. But still- I can't give myself the shot in the same place, I have to wait 7 days before using the same site again. So now, I have written down my last 3 injection sites on a pad of paper, so I won't have to struggle to remember tomorrow.

So yeah, I am really really scatter-brained, hazey, and forgetful. I'm forgetting words, or even what I'm saying entirely, midsentence while speaking. So that combined with the increased pain, and right hand now acting up (my left hand is even worse than the right), I'm afraid. I am SO terrified that I am relapsing- and I'm terrified I have a new lesion on my brain hence why my right side is being effected.

When I called my neuro's office, Paula asked what was wrong. The minute I said increased pain and having issues on my right side she said "Oh yeah, you need to come in hun. Can you be here at 8:45am tomorrow?" So, that's what I'm doing. I am praying this all just a bad side effect to the Copaxone building in my system- I was warned by other MS friends of mine it's not uncommon for symptoms to get worse temporarily as your body adjusts to the meds. But... that doesn't explain why my right side is suddenly being affected. If it was just my left side? I don't think it'd phase me. But I know enough biology to know if my right side is now acting up- then something is changing in my brain and it's not good.

I'll update tomorrow after I see my neuro. Keep me in your prayers, please! I think I'm need of some big time.

Oh one thing that's cool- Wayne knows I'm having an awful time right now. I hear of so many spouses that get bitter, resentful, even nasty towards their mate with MS. My husband? Came home with a dozen roses today. For no reason- other than that tell me he loves me and cheer me up a little. *smiles* So... in that regard, I am so blessed. He is truly my rock and sanity.

*hugs*- Mis

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