Friday, January 2, 2009

In comes 2009

Well, here we are, another new year. 2009. Wow... it seems like just yesterday it was 1989. Where did the time fly away too? It's like I blinked...and got...old. *laughs*

I'd be lying if I said I was one of those optimistic, hopeful people that see a new year as a chance at a new beginning. I look to this new year, and I just feel dread. Yeah I know, it's depressing. But it's honest. I mean, my New Year's Eve consisted of a phone call from the Copaxone people, going over information on the drug and giving me the name of the nurse who's coming out to teach me to give myself the injection. To me, this was prophetic. This is how I will be spending 2009, trying to get my Multiple Sclerosis under some kind of control. I will be spending tons of time at doctor's offices, getting shots daily, and likely fighting relapses. I mean, seriously, how is this something to be 'hopeful' about? My life has changed forever, and not for the better. What's even remotely great about that?

Oh I have an appointment on Feb. 25th with the rheumotologist. I'm still pretty upset about the possibility of Lupus. But, I refuse to 'claim' it. I am holding out hope that there is some explanation for my blood and spinal fluid showing it- besides actually having it. So until some doctor tells me with 100% certainty that I do have Lupus, in my mind, I do not have it. I believe very strongly in God, and the spirit realm, and I believe the body often follows the mind's cues. I refuse to give yet another disease permission to ruin my life. Not that I gave the MS permission, but I am still rebuking the Lupus because I am hopeful that it'll rectify itself somehow and won't be a part of my life. *sighs*... it just can't be. I can't handle having both.

On the upside... I am still holding my own pretty well physically. My eyes have even improved since my last post, I'd say they're about 98% back to normal now. Aside from some occasional tingling in my left arm and hand, and minor dizziness when walking, I'm doing pretty dang good. My only real complaint is some ongoing pain. In my abdomen and right hip mostly. It's really weird, because the pain in my right hip actually started about a year ago. I had an IVC filter put in, and it's given me issue ever since. It makes no sense- the filter is no where near my hip and the only incision they made was on my neck. Yet after the procedure, I literally couldn't walk for about a week because the pain was so bad. It slowly improved, but it's given me issue on and off ever since. The last few weeks it's been really sore again, especially at night. As a result, I'm not sleeping for crap lately, and it's making me uber cranky. (poor Wayne, me cranky isn't fun lol) Wayne wants me to go see my primary care doc for a pain med and something to help me sleep. I'm not real keen on even more drugs in my system, but if this continues, I may have to.

So, that's where I am at the moment. *sighs*

I'll write more another time soon.

No comments:

Post a Comment