Wednesday, October 22, 2008

How life changes in a blink of the eye...

You know, it's almost ironically funny. I made this blog...and did nothing with it. Yet I didn't just delete it either. I figured one day, I'd have a reason or purpose for it. Just one week after my first brief post... life gave me a reason for this blog. Be careful what you wish for. *chuckles*

Rather than spend endless hours on the phone or emails, I will be tracking my journey and health here. The reason? I just found today I have multiple sclerosis, or MS. To brush up on everyone's medical lingo, MS is an incurable disease that effects the brain and nervous system. Essentially, it means my immune system mistakes certain proteins found in the brain's myelin sheath as a virus and attacks them. The mylein sheath is a fatty layer covering and protecting the brain, and when this is damaged, it caused various neurological issues. The word sclerosis means "scars", which is referring to the legions on the brain where the mylein has been deteriorated.

For those that are going "what the hell? when did this happen?"....

This started about 2 1/2 months ago, August 2nd to be exact. I got up to go to the store and suddenly my left leg went numb and weak and I got super dizzy. This continued to happen, so I went to the doctor. He did a ton of blood tests, all came back fine. That did get better after about a month, but then my left hand felt weak. It was as though my small motor skills just went to hell. Dropping things, unable to type correctly, just simply as though what I was telling it do wasn't what it actually was doing. I went back to the doctor, this time he ordered a CT scan. Again, all came back fine.

That too did get better after about a month or so.... but then I started getting dizzy again. And it seemed like my eyes were doing weird things, they almost felt 'shaky' or 'wiggly'. I said to Wayne I thought the dizziness was my eyes, not even a week later, I woke up one morning with horrific double vision. For those of you that have never experienced this- you may as well be blind because EVERYTHING is double. I panicked, and told Wayne I needed to go to the emergency room. They ended up admitting me, and doing yet another round of blood work as well as another CT scan with contrast. They again turned up fine, but that is when people starting whispering those two letters "MS" around me. Upon my release, I went to a very good ophthalmologist who thoroughly checked out my eyes. He confirmed what my gut was already telling me- my eyes were fine. The problem was my brain.

I then went in for an MRI. That was this past Saturday. And today, I went into my doctor's office where it was confirmed I do in fact have multiple sclerosis. I currently have active lesions on two parts of my brain, hence the double vision and dizziness. It was one of those surreal moments. In my heart, I'd known for about a week I'd had this. But when I saw the expression change dramatically on my doctor's face as he read the MRI report, the reality hit me. I then listened to his office staff rush around to get me into a neurologist as soon as possible, heard them saying when they thought I was out of ear shot "she has MS, this can't wait", and saw the sad looks on all their faces as they tried to force a smile when they came into my room. It was at that point I just looked at my husband and started crying. Thinking you 'probably' have something like MS is a lot different than that confirmation that you DO have MS.

Now, my journey begins. I picked the word "journey" very intentionally. I refuse to let this beat me. I am willing to do whatever I must to make my body as healthy as I can to fight future attacks and recover from them. My life is about to change dramatically, in some ways, for the better. I guess I am trying to see the good in all this, and the good is at least I finally know what's wrong with me. I know who my opponent is- and I know what I must do to beat the crap out of it.

So...that is what this blog is becoming. My journey against MS. I'll blog about what happens both good and bad here. You'll hear how my health is doing, and I'm sure you'll hear more than a few rants and pity parties as I struggle to come to terms with all this. I figure this will be a good way, because not only can I keep everyone informed, but I can use my writing to deal with my own emotions as well.

Until next time... be safe, be healthy, and may God always watch over you. :) -Mis

1 comment:

  1. Love you and can do anything you et your mind to doing! Be strong and possitive!